feeling into the space

I just picked up a notebook to write down some thoughts swimming around in my cloudy head today and found some words that I wrote a few weeks ago.  I had intended to post it but got lost in the busyness of the days.  Reading it was a good reminder of where I really am, rather than where my busy head has put me this week.  Here it is:

There’s an air of novelty about my days right now.  It makes me chuckle to myself.  As my littlest one heads towards ‘two’ he spends more and more time busy.  Busily engaged in his play and watching and imitating his brother.  It’s so lovely to see. 

As this happens I get a little more time with both of my hands available.  Jobs are completed a little quicker as I get to do them in their entirety, rather than in three parts!  His naptime has shifted and school pick-up for my eldest is later on some days so I find myself with an hour or two of almost-luxurious time at home while he sleeps.  It’s a revelation.  Whole cups of hot tea are being drunk!

As well, we came to the end of our nursing journey recently. Something that I had no idea how to approach and which, in the end, came about easily, naturally and entirely without drama. (Save for a bout of flu and the brief sense of loss inside me, of course).  With that came a little more sleep. Oh sweet sleep, how I’ve missed you!  He still sleeps with me and is wakeful at times but goodness I’m getting a lot more sleep than I was a few months ago.  I no longer feel like a crazy person.

So I find myself with a little more time, a little more space and a slightly clearer head.  And it’s recent enough to feel new and even a bit thrilling.  I find myself racing to chop the vegetables for dinner and look around to find both boys fully engaged in their play. Finding that I can slow down slightly and take a little more care with the cooking. Unsurprisingly, it’s tasting better without the rush!

Yes.  This!  It’s funny how quickly the novelty gives way to normal.  Especially when you begin giving yourself far more to do than is achievable in a nap/day/week, amidst birthdays and lurgies and the busyness of life.  A GOOD reminder reading this has been.  To feel into the space rather than over-fill it.  To hold it rather than squeeze it.

I’ll go and do that then *sheepish smile*

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